Saturday, December 19, 2015

My own path

Words from a priceless book....

"If I continue to relive my old hurt, it is a resentment and resentment bars the sunlight from my soul. If I continue to relive hurts and hates, I will hurt and hate myself. After years in the dark of resentments, I have found the sunlight. I must let go of resentments; I cannot afford them."

here comes the harder task....turning it over to God, and accepting that I cannot make those I love do the same. I cannot make them live in the now, and stop living in the past hurts. Their path and will for their life is their own. I can only love them as they are, and accept the reality that they may choose to stay in the hurt. I cannot stay there with them, no matter how hard it is to set forth on my own path. I have removed the rear-view mirror, and choose to look ahead, lest I miss the road and spin out of control. It is my hope that I will not go forth alone, but I must. I must, or I shall come apart at the seams, and in turn destroy everything that I stayed for in the hurt in the process, defeating my purpose. Love as I do, I must keep moving, and I want you to come with me, away....away from the old hurts and hates. 
The grass is greener ahead.....our future is waiting for us, our children are waiting for us, Life, Love, and our Dreams are waiting for us. Shall we look at them as they sink into the horizon like a setting sun, or shall we chase the sunset together? My own path, my trail has room for two.....Come with me. Let us live and love on OUR path. No need for a rear-view mirror where we could go. Let go, and Let's Go, my love. Trust me. I know how to get there....

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

I don't know anything....

things have shifted
I can sense the plates of my life coming apart, and becoming something new.

The fear would come, but I would give it away. 
I don't care anymore...I'm weightless
I imagine myself a man, trapped in a numb world, drugged out of his mind, embracing each new high, new lover, new to all, and closed to everything.

I never realized I don't have to settle. I don't have to force anything to work. I don't have to be okay with people, places, situations, things....okay with things I'm just not okay with. 

Moving forward...pushing my ship off the dock into unknown waters, and I'm going to bed below decks. I don't care what I wake too..whether I'm above the deep, or deep below it. 

I'm the train station. People coming and going in and out...through me. No-one stays. They arrive, and leave. But I stay in the same place. I keep the time. 

I will take adventures of my own from here- and return, back to this place. Myself.

What is next? Who is next? Where is next?
I don't know anything....

John Brown

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Slow down. Try. 
Burning out like a comet.
Why do I do this?
You have time.
Trust yourself. Follow. 
Seek. For you, for yourself.
Don't give up the ship...
Not just yet. 
There will be a time and place, 
but it is not today. Not now.
Protect the road ahead.
Stay on it. Stay true.
Don't stop. No passengers.
Only fellow adventurers.
Time to find yourself,
Take your time doing it.
Time to get lost.
You really only know little.
What will tomorrow bring, 
You do not know.
So, why the rush friend?
Sit and watch.
Take it in. Enjoy this.
It's Okay.
It's Okay.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

best you not wake that which sleeps

the angst and pain are the fires that forged me
the hunted becomes the hunter
no small amount of grace to make him sleep
the heavy scars of deeply inflicted wounds serve to remind, not forget
you fools, the death that awaits you behind the door you beat on
the proud, cavalier tread heavy on the thin ice of vengeance
best you not wake that which sleeps
you disturb something that has no remorse, no fear, no limit 
blinding rage that burns hotter than the flames of hell
consuming itself and everything around it, consuming you
that which sleeps is from a time of war, a time of death...
that which sleeps only becomes stronger through the ages
it wishes to be left in peace, asleep, but lusts for death in its waking mind
longing to die whilst dealing out death, an honorable death
it is that which sleeps which you fools do not respect
you fools
best you walk silently and pass unnoticed. best you not wake 
that which sleeps.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

The circle is broken

This land cries, and the world with it. sanity is gone, peace is lost, balance thrown off, the path is wide.
i have "burn in" from another time, and i don't believe i'll ever find a way to fit in this time, day and age, this society. Blood in my veins has overpowered everything else in me to the point where the wolves are at each others throats all the day and night. Duality of man. Indeed. No amount of money is ever enough. No amount of effort ever gets a much needed rest. No justice in this lopsided camp. I'd have fought till the bitter end too...Chief Joseph lies under a slab of stone in the mid-west, never again in his life would he set eyes on his homeland. Only in death would he go home. None of us have been where we belong or fit since. Not those of us who are bound to this land. Wild at heart, free. You can't tame a wild animal. Cage it, and believe you have broken something in it, only to deceive yourself. Wild i remain, wild they remain. Touching on something in your deep. Free, wild? Without death to have to realize it? Oh what a day that will be....the best day on this earth, the last. The prairie unmolested, the mountains solid...color still beneath the earth, of no use to the residents above, as it should be. It was beautiful. The circle is unbroken.Wall street doesn't exist, or the White House. Smoke is rising from where I sleep. The water is safe to drink. I will, based on my merit, on who I am, not what I am in the scales of this world. I want you to inherit this struggle, and see. See. Have your eyes opened 'fore they close for the last time.

Friday, April 26, 2013

the unknown

if I could know, would I want to? If i had the chance, would I take it? Somedays the answer is yes, somedays its no. A grand design, or plan....did it start out that way? did i change things somehow? Did God know i would try to, and even that's part of it all? Should I even wonder, and would it matter anyway?
I suppose all things will be revealed in due time. The unknown excites me. I have butterflies in my stomach, awaiting the time ahead, because i don't know. Where will I go, what will I become, will I experience this all alone, or will I have someone to share it with? Man has always tried to search for the unkown. I can't for the life of me understand why, after all,  the unknown is right around the corner, in the next 5 the coffee shop, or in one look at eyes you've never looked into before.....will they be there looking back at me years from now, or gone just as fast as they appeared?....I both love and fear the unknown. I suppose I wouldn't want it any other way.